Everything you Wanted to Know About Irkens
by Unknowner
Summary: (but were afraid to ask)! Irken biology, evolution, and social structure explained! R+R!


EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT IRKENS (but were afraid to ask)  
  
  
  
  
  
By Professor Membrane As told to the Unknowner  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N: Nickelodeon wrongfully owns the rights to the show "Invader Zim", which was created by the great Jhonen C. Vasquez. I claim no ownership over the characters, merely over my concepts of Irken physiology, evolution, and society. All instances of Irken language are the demented products of my brain. Enjoy.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Chapter One: Basic Irken Anatomy and Physiology~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Irken. A bio-engineered race of doom. Over the past 1000 years (rough figure), Irkens have been genetically bred for compatibility with their caste system, nigh-mechanical efficiency, and little else. But what's going on beneath the skin of these fascinating life- forms? We'll find out right here. The following is a quick-and-dirty study of what we know of ths race so far.  
  
  
  
The easiest way to do this is to compare the Irken to the average Human. First off, both are mammalian life forms, warm blooded, suited for temperate climate. Unlike humans, which have their genetic roots in the protohuman apes, Irken life has its roots in the sea. To his day, Irken skin contians an enzyme which catalyzes with water to produce a strong ectothermic reaction, a compensation for a lack of insulative body fat in the proto-irken species. This can be a problem, as if an Irken doesn't come into contact with water for extended periods of time, the enzyme builds up in their skin, causing stronger reactions to water. In the highest concentration levels, exhibited by fully-grown Irkens who have never had contact with water, this reaction can be fatal. Their skin also contains high levels of chloryphyll, allowing low levels of photosynthesis. This allows them to stay in hibernation for long amounts of time.  
  
  
  
Irken eyes are far simpler than the human counterpart, In place of a reflective lens assembly, the optic nerve ends with a "pad" of light- sensitive nerve ending clusters. This pad is covered with a protective lens, which is tinted in much the same way as the human iris, with different colors corresponding to different thicknesses. Unlike the human eye, however, the lens can regenerate quickly.  
  
  
  
Irkens have an almost complete lack of body hair. There are two semiprehensile "antennae" portruding from their heads, but other than this, there are only the smallest of hairs portruding from their pores. They do have an oppossable thumb, and two fingers. The Irken ears are sunk beneath a layer of skin on the sides of the head, and are comparable to our ears. Irkens have ann olfactory membrane built into the skin above their upper jaw and below the eyes that they can breathe and smell through. It should be noted that the Irken sense of smell is particularly acute, and they can rarely stand the scent of decaying plant or animal tissue of any kind.  
  
  
  
Irken organs are still being studied, but we have learned quite a bit from our base studies. First, Irkens have far fewer organs than we do. They have one main circulatory/respiratory/digestive organ, the Squeedily spooch, which integrates most vital function into its twelve chambers. The squeedily spooch regenerates at a remarkable rate if damaged, which is not surprising when you consider the importance thereof. Other organs include the Squoot, the center of the Irken immune system, and the Voob, the irken equivalent of the lower intestine.  
  
  
  
Irken brains are relatively close to human brains, with slightly longer medula oblongata and enlarged frontal lobes. They also have thick pockets of neural tissue in their spines. The exact cause of this or what the neural packets do is unknown.  
  
  
  
Irken reproduction happens the same way as humans, though with a particularly long gestation period, roughly 14 months. The less said about the pregnant females and their psychotic hormonal imbalances during this time, the better. Irken children, or "smeets", start out at about a foot long. The bio-engineered irken smeets begin life with basic electrostimulated knowledge, while natural-born smeets are just like any other baby. It should be noted that there are roughly 10 Irken males born for every Irken female. This penomena has not been adequately studied yet.  
  
  
  
Irken leave the "smeet" stage at roughly 3 years of age, when they enter their first growth spurt. These spurts are violent periods of growth, lasting about a week each. Comparable to going through hyper-accelerated puberty, the spurts change the body dramatically each time, and are often lethal if not monitored closely. The average Irken will experience three spurts, the post-smeet spurt at age 3 - which heralds the young Irken's entry into service as a young "adult"- the "lesser spurt" which is rarely lethal, occuring sometime between ages eight and twenty, and the "great spurt" which happens at a random time after the "minor spurt" and is most often lethal. Either the Irken will grow to a height between five and a half to seven feet, thus entering the altocracy of the irken empire, die, or have the spurt aborted, staying at a diminished height for the remainder of his life. Most Irken choose to die rather than have the spurt aborted, feeling that they cannot live any longer at their current height. For further information on this, we turn to Irken Caste Structure and Society...  
  
  
  
R+R. :P 


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